A Jamaat-e-Islami MP has attempted the ultimate U-turn, dismissing the casual martyrdom of his very much alive father as a mere “slip of the tongue”. Such genealogical gymnastics, however, are fast becoming a trademark for the party’s lawmakers.
Several Jamaat MPs have recently transformed themselves into the party’s chief sources of comedy, delivering parliamentary performances so bizarre they have thoroughly exhausted the patience of the speaker of parliament. Even Jamaat’s own Publicity Secretary confessed to TIMES of Bangladesh that the leadership has noticed the trend and is currently “thinking about what can be done” – presumably considering a basic logic course for their MPs.
The latest display of verbal acrobatics came courtesy of Abdul Muntakim, the MP for Nilphamari-4. During a parliamentary session on 14 June, he confidently declared, “My father, my grandfather were martyred in the war… My father has seven brothers – four were freedom fighters; 11 of my grandfathers are freedom fighters. There are 47 freedom fighters in my family.”
It was an impressive genetic feat, made all the more miraculous by the fact that Muntakim was born in 1981, and his supposedly martyred father is currently alive, well, and breathing.
Following a ruthless roasting on social media, Muntakim returned to parliament three days later to claim a “slip of the tongue”. When TIMES pressed him on how one accidentally kills off a living parent in a prepared speech, Muntakim pivoted beautifully, claiming he actually meant his father’s uncle. Asked why the correction took three whole days, he offered a masterclass in bureaucratic stalling, “Actually, there is a process for correction.”
Not to be outdone in the theatre of the absurd, Nilphamari-1 MP Mohammad Abdus Sattar decided to critique the government using a folksy analogy about a “sieve” and a “needle”. The metaphor was apparently so laden with accidental obscenity that Speaker Hafizuddin Ahmed had to step in as a content moderator, deleting the offensive remarks and warning, “Be careful when speaking in parliament… We do not want any unpleasant or obscene words.”
Sattar wisely chose to ghost reporters seeking an explanation. Meanwhile, Muntakim, when asked why his party colleagues keep stumbling into the realm of fiction, offered a profoundly spiritual defence, “I am trying slowly. Please pray that there is no mistake.” One can only hope those prayers are answered before any more living relatives are accidentally sacrificed for political rhetoric.
‘I didn’t seek anything, I’m supposed to get it’
Mizanur Rahman, the Jamaat MP for Chapainawabganj-2, taking the floor made a “strong demand” for vital necessities: namely, curtains, microwave ovens, and washing machines for his MP Hostel flat.
Moved by this display of parliamentary hardship, BJP Chairman and Bhola-1 MP Andaleeve Rahman Partha offered to personally buy Mizanur an oven and requested the prime minister to give him a washing machine.
When TIMES questioned Mizanur on whether demanding domestic appliances clashed with Jamaat’s pre-election pledge to reject government perks, the MP responded, “I did not want them. They were supposed to be given to our houses, but they were not given. That is what I have highlighted.”
Mizanur then cleared up any remaining confusion regarding the party’s moral high ground,”Let me clarify, our Amir said that we will not take government plots and tax-free cars. Not flats. He did not talk about flats. We did not take government plots, tax-free cars.”
Meanwhile, Andaleeve’s charity did not go down well with leadership. Jamaat Amir and Opposition Leader Dr Shafiqur Rahman angrily rejected the BJP Chairman’s offer. Protesting against Andaleeve’s personal quest to furnish his MP’s kitchen, the Amir snapped, “Who asked him for a microwave oven?”
The Tk 600cr national budget!
Jamaat’s Kushtia-3 MP Amir Hamza provided a masterclass in fiscal comedy on 4 June, confidently suggesting the nation’s Tk 9.38 lakh crore budget should instead be slashed to “at least Tk 200 or Tk 600 crores”. Apparently fatigued by massive numbers, he warned, “Nine thousand crores is too much.”
By 17 June, Hamza shifted his economic analysis to culinary critique, declaring in parliament that the budget was “like a brand of Chanachur; eating it will make you sick.”
When TIMES questioned his micro-budget, Hamza blamed media distortion, claiming he meant six lakh crores. Reminded that uncut video footage firmly caught him saying “600 crores,” he deployed the party’s favourite defence, the “slip of the tongue.”
Dismissing the fuss, Hamza noted that even prime ministers have slips. After all, “people have no business.”
Fact-checking, however, is an old enemy of Hamza’s. Before his nomination, he had to apologise for inventing a fictional education at Jahangirnagar University, falsely claiming Haji Muhammad Muhsin Hall was banned from giving the call to prayer for 17 years, and making bizarre remarks about the physical beauty of Indian actress Rashmika Mandanna. The party, unsurprisingly, then asked him to remain careful.
‘Slips’ outside parliament
The art of the public apology is not confined to the halls of parliament. Jamaat’s regional leaders are proving equally adept at inserting their feet into their mouths.
ATM Azam Khan of the Rangpur-4 constituency was forced to surrender his nomination to an alliance partner in January. Khan compared this political “sacrifice” to the biblical trial of Hazrat Ibrahim (AS). Following an immediate, viral backlash over the staggering hubris of the comparison, Khan took to his verified Facebook page on 10 January to deploy the party’s trusted escape hatch: it was all just an unwanted “slip of the tongue”.
Meanwhile, in Barguna, district unit Jamaat assistant secretary Md Shamim Ahsan found himself in hot water after offering some creative historical fiction regarding DUCSU. Ahsan confidently claimed that before the party’s student wing won campus elections, DUCSU had functioned primarily as a drug den and a “brothel”. Faced with fierce public outrage, he swiftly released a video message reciting his humble apologies.
Not to be outdone, Md Naqibur Rahman, son of Matiur Rahman Nizami, who was executed for 1971 war crimes, brought the comedy to television. During a talk show on 1 February, Rahman branded the BNP’s IT Secretary a “cyber terrorist”. When challenged to provide, well, evidence, Rahman suddenly discovered the virtue of restraint, issuing an unconditional apology for his “unproven” remarks and noting that, upon reflection, his language was “inappropriate.”
‘To err is human, to train is Jamaat’
When confronted with his colleagues’ never-ending parade of rhetorical disasters, Jamaat’s Assistant Secretary General, Ahsanul Mahboob Zubair, leaned into timeless philosophy. “Mistakes are human,” he gently reminded TIMES, adding optimistically, “And people look upon those who correct them with forgiveness and kindness.”
When pressed on why these “human errors” are happening with the frequency of a daily weather report, Zubair conceded that the leadership had, in fact, noticed the parliamentary comedy show. “There is a lot of discussion about even minor mistakes. We are also thinking about the issue,” he stated.
To combat this epidemic of reality-adjacent speeches, Zubair revealed that the party is taking drastic action, “Initiatives have been taken to train them in various subjects.”
